Having a bit of a hard time today -- oh hell, I'm having an awful time! I went out for lunch with Deb but otherwise have done very little today. Julie did come over this morning, though. That was good, even if she only stayed for a few minutes, at least it helped to see someone (besides Deb).
About Deb, I seem to have the deepest rage over this "break-up" or whatever it is that we're doing. I want to tell her to just go away and leave me alone. But I'm chicken. However, I might yet do it. She hasn't really done anything wrong, but my feelings are so hurt. How could she not want me anymore?? I just want to punish her for that. Never mind that I feel the same way about her quite a lot.
Was there anything beautiful today? I'm trying to think of something, but it's tough. Currently I've been hanging on the computer for hours, vaguely looking for classes to take or something to get me interested in life. My sister Mary wants to go for a long weekend to San Diego with me, so that's a possibility.
Thank god for my programming class. Even though it's impossible, at least it takes my mind off my other troubles for a while. I need a life that I can love. Maybe being single will inspire me to actually write or paint. Now that would be something.
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