Life without meds

I've been having a gut-wrenching time, lately. Trying to get off my antidepressants -- well, I am now actually off them for two days now -- and live a good life and not lose my mind. Added to this the fact that Deb is now on the verge of breaking up with me. I keep going to that place of "you always screw everything up" and "that'll teach you to try to have a relationship," etc. etc. Very painful thoughts that I keep trying to quell.

Today was okay, mostly. I had breakfast with Laurel and she told me that being alone is really not bad. How would I know? I've never really been alone for more than a few months. I know I need to do it, Deb or no.

So, beautiful things today: Laurel. What a dear, good friend she is. She understands me so well.

And then what? I cut a blue iris that was lying in the path. Brought it in and put it in a clear vase. It looks just stunning.

My cats -- taking little movies of them with my camera. My "movie" of Sophie is more like a photograph, since she never moves the entire time except to breathe.

I'm thinking this is one of those "one day at a time" times. Trying to just remember that and not dwell on what I think the future will be. I can go crazy thinking about growing old alone, etc.

Working on my programming class today and things are coming together a bit better in my brain than they had been for the past week or so. That's a relief. I feel like maybe I will be able to make it out of this class alive. (So to speak.)